AX2019

Okay so

Linecon2019

I mean AX2019

This first part is for clarification if anything gets confused starting after "First Day"

Cast / basic description of everyone involved
CIA - Me, not referenced in this post
Paveru Hakase - Online friend
Mister Wayne - Online friend
Selena - Wife of Mister Wayne
Mosquito Man - Friend of Paveru Hakase / Mister Wayne
Alice - Housemate of Wayne and Selena
D - Acquaintance / friend of Mister Wayne

Names aren't real.

It doesn't matter who we are. What matters is our plan.

Not that it really matters either way.

I think it's more interesting to read a blog with some level of anonymity.

Context
I was invited to Anime Expo by my two good friends Paveru Hakase, and Mister Wayne. Paveru and Wayne are good friends and have been for ages. I've known Paveru for about 5 years, I've known Wayne for less time, but they've both been very good friends to me in the time I've known them. I hadn't met either of them in person before making this post.

Wayne and Selena live together in an apartment not too far from AX.

Paveru and I both live far enough away that we flew in to get there.

I flew in first to LAX. He flew in the next day to BUR.

We stayed with Wayne and Selena while we were there.

Their apartment is one bedroom, so Paveru and I slept in the living room during our stay.

First day 

Took plane

Almost cry saying goodbye to cat for week 

Definitely cry saying bye to mom for week
literally just a week

100% Momma's boy
Land at LAX
Mister Wayne is there to pick me up
Kinda nervous to meet him, but it's okay

Request hugshake

In a hurry so no hugshake

Helps me load and get into his car

Do some talking about real life shit

Back to / unload at apartment 

Meet Selena (Wayne's wife)

Seems like a really cool lady

Went for food all together (got curry)

Cant remember if I've ever had curry before

Curry is good

Selena asks me what I like most about myself

think "quick say something other than "I hate myself""

"There must be something about myself I don't hate"

basically say "Uh uh I NEVER GIVE UP"

"When I really want to do something, I don't give up"

I think is what I actually said

I don't even know if that's true

It was true with learning to cook steak, wasn't it?

I have autismo

Leave, go home

Wayne has a nintendo switch

Play overcooking mama with Wayne

Slept on floor / couch

>Carry around wad of drug money to pay for things

>800 USD in $20 bills or smaller

>Ask Wayne to pay for most things

>Give him drug money to compensate

Second day

Day of Paveru Hakase's arrival

Wayne went to work

I slept in

Selena went to work
Stayed in apartment alone

Watched Spiderverse (not bad)

Cleaned kitchen

I was alone in the apartment most of the day. I watched netflix when I woke up, but I felt kinda bad about being able to stay in their apartment for free. I could've kept watching netflix, but I didn't want to feel like a total freeloader, so I did some cleaning instead.

You weird bastard

I find cleaning and doing dishes to be somewhat therapeutic, at least generally.

Cleaned waiting for Paveru Hakase to arrive

He arrives by uber from airport

Known him 5 years but never met til now
Talked about shitposting IRL when first meeting him

End up being too autistic to shitpost, and just be nervous instead

He still goes through with the IRL baneposting, alpha as fuck
Went into apartment to hang out
Ordered grubhub (asian food)

If Selena sees this image she'll probably gasp
because of the potential to spill food
I almost never spill anything eating in my own room
but this isn't my own room

edit: spilled in my own room
GOD
DAMNIT
I just washed these sheets.

Play smash with Paveru against cpus

He reads me a little OOTS

Watch some of Dick Kickem's Day Off
Both are pretty funny now that I understand them a little.
Pass out late into the night

Third day

Woke up
Met Alice
Gril staying with Wayne and Selena
Prepare for AX Day 1
Too insecure to wear my own cosplay
Asks Paveru Hakase to wear cosplay
Paveru dons the 9S cosplay, 0 fucks given
Looks kinda good in it despite having stubble
and also the wig not being properly styled
Would strangle/10 no homo

Wayne drives Paveru and I to AX
Selena doesn't come with us, maybe next year

We park in a parking garage and go to line up

Wayne goes to pick up his badge

Paveru and I already had our badges, so line up for entry

Met Mosquito Man. Cool guy

Friend of Paveru and Wayne

Waits in line with us

Buys us Starbucks while we wait

Has a really nice Camera

Is there to take pictures of waifus

Mosquito man takes pictures of Paveru

Paveru has sweet poses
Kinda impressed by his posing

Pro photography, Pro background 

Agreed to read Medaka box to chapter 90 if he cosplayed
Accidentally sealed blood contract
Wayne meets back up with us after getting badge

Fugging 5-6 hour lineup for entry

Tried not to get lost in crowd

Literal handholding (no homo)

Guy with "Linecon is best con" sign near entrance
A lot of cute cosplaying grils around
C, what kind of girls do you like?
flatchested lolis with black hair

Finally get through security
Spent all day looking for waifu
Barely find anything of her in exhibit hall
Couldn't find a fumo

Got this keychain though
Not bad

Felt kinda bad all day

Walked 10k+

Body hurt 

Get in line for Waifu Wars panel

Played (terribly) switch while waiting

Go into panel

Normie waifus (for mainstream audience)

Somehow have no idea who most waifus are

No debating (Your waifu a shit)

Somewhat arbitrary contests

Poor / non-existent camera work

Okay panel, could definitely be better

Has the potential to be GOAT

Leave AX for the night

Went to Ralph's

Shopping for Paveru

4 donuts cmon

Came home 

~1am

Nice quiet atmosphere

Went for food with Wayne 

Just him and I

Talked about more real life shit

Had a really good time

Came home 

Passed out watching movie

Bad mental health day

but not a bad day

The real mental health is the friends we made along the way

or something

right?

Day 4

Woke up

Paveru inspired me to cosplay

Put your grasses on

Put 9S costume on

Can't see shit captain.jpg

More literal handholding

Went to con / artist alley

Bought Waifu posters
Realize they're mostly isekai waifus
Realize I'm a pleb

See Beatrice cosplayer

Get super excited

Want to take picture with her

Body freezes up

Too autistic to ask

Hesitate

and it's too late

Sad

Got hotdogs

Met D (Wayne's friend)

Cosplaying Izaya from Durarara
Compliments me on 9S cosplay
9S is best boy. Best waifu.

Go to 7/11
Trying to keep people hydrated
Accused of being hydration bot

Back to car to deposit swag
Back to con

Got in line for panel
Not really sure what the panel is for
Get harassed by someone else in line
Maybe it wasn't harassment
Maybe he was trying to make a joke and dropped spaghetti
Used to people trying to start shit so not sure
Go into panel
It's for Super Eyepatch Wolf
Watched him do Q&A
D leaves after

See Tyler The Creator cosplay

Dank AF

Go to entertainment/game hall
See A2 cosplayer
Consider yelling "A2, I'LL KILL YOU!"
Too autistic
Or maybe not autistic enough
Not sure

Watched Wayne/Paveru play fighting games
Soul Caliber 6, mostly

Earfquake happens, never experienced one before
Huge speakers swinging from ceiling overhead
eh fug it video games are more important

Stranger shows up to play vidya games with us

Doesn't use a controller to play

Instead pulls a fighting game keyboard out of his bag

No beating that

Leave

Get in line for Hentai Game Show (HGS)
Some guy marching up/down line trying to get people to dance

Mister Wayne plays part of HGS
Has the most gangster strut
Has a ton of self confidence

Probably the most sexed up guy I've ever known

Only person to get every question right

fucking 5/5 stars

Audience loses it

HGS finishes
Pretty good panel

Leave

Take city pictures

Go home

Get Selena

All 4 of us go for sushi

Come home look at Waifu posters 

At some point these bastards figured out that staring at me causes me to laugh

Day 5

Woke up

Oh no I'm getting sick

9S cosplay again

Still can't see shit

Still need literal handholding

Even without the mask

Go to 7/11

Go to con

Eat nothing

Drink almost nothing

(too sick)

OH YEAH THIS IS GONNA END WELL

Met D again

Met up with Mosquito Man again

Hug him when he leaves

Last day exhibit hall / artist alley for us

Can't find any waifu stuff I really want

Can't find Beatrice cosplayer again

Disappointed

D leaves

Leave

Go see line for fgo

nope.jpg

Go to line for How To People At A Con

Wayne does card magic tricks in line

Dank AF

Notice 2b cosplayer

Walks up and asks me what the line is for

After like 40 minutes

Drop spaghetti

She goes back to where she was

>a 2b cosplayers just talked to you

>aren't you going to do anything? 

>no

Autism speaks

She literally just asked that and went back 

>she wants to fuck

Not likely

Line up finally gets to panel

First 20 minutes 

"we're sex/body positive women, I mean fembodies" 

they explain consent for idiots

pretty bad presentation

We bail outta there

Didn't even have to suggest it

Clearly in good company

Meme about it for rest of trip

"hey we just had a seminar on consent!"

Gotta get an enthusiastic yes before doing anything

Like making this post

Similar to something Wayne and Paveru said, I think a panel on consent could have been okay, or even good, but they made no mention of heart-shaped pupils it was presented terribly, kind of similar to waifu wars. It could've been so much better than it was.

Sickness gets worse

Aches/strep/weak/migraine

Need to leave con because too sick

Check out food trucks heading back 

So hungry 

Feel too sick to eat

Throat hurts too much to drink 

Get back to car

Go to cvs

Almost feel too sick to go in store

Get dayquil/naproxen/lozenges

Dayquil was a good suggestion

Wasn't gonna get it originally

Wayne pays for it

Give him drug money 

Get home
Feeling worse

Piggyback from Paveru Hakase 

To stairs

Mister Wayne carries me up stairs

Am 6 feet tall and approximately a princess

It's like I'm really playing vermintide

Like a princess 

These stairs go up

Through door into apartment 

Kick off shoes

Tosses me on couch

Alice is there

Comes out of room

Asks what happened 

Manly men being manly 

"oh we got into a fist fight" 

But only one of us was out of breath

Y-yeah

(No homo)

Take medicine

Wayne gets me cold/wet washcloth for forehead

Watch fgo panel recording with paveru hakase

Wow its fucking nothing.jpg

Astolfo voice actor is cute as heck though

Wayne leaves/comes back with food
Finally feel well enough to eat/drink

They collectively take care of me

Good friends 

Watch Jimmy Carr netflix special

Pass out on floor sick
end up on couch at some point

I was generally pretty okay with sleeping on the floor. If I'm tired enough I can fall asleep pretty much anywhere. The only drawback is sleeping on the floor makes my body hurt, and I usually ended up on the couch at some point while sleeping.

I brought a sleeping bag, but I ended up not using it much.

Day 6

Wake up

Still sick, but feel a little better
No AX day 4

Went to Porto's
Kind of like a combination of Sam LaGrassa's and Mike's Pastry

Got food, got samich

That woulda been a good picture if I'd taken it normally
Damn shame

Leave
Went to Two Bit Circus

Played beat sabre, fun, cardio 

Also played a few other games
A 4 player turret defense shooting game
Maybe I should buy a VR headset
Leave

Get ice cream at Salt n Straw
lemon blueberry
p gud
only 1 scoop
leave

Went to Ralph's
Selena buys ingredients for cookie pie

Came home

Went to noodle world 

Got curry/boba

Came home 

Selena made cookie pie, very good

Played settlers Catan board game 

Hung out

Wayne won

But Paveru was close 

I lost

Had fun

Do dishes
IT HELPS WITH STRESS

Watch videos
Go to bed
At like 6am
AAAH

Day 7

Woke up
Time to leave LA

Pack suitcase

Mister Wayne drives me to airport with Paveru Hakase

Stop at In & Out on the way there

never seen so much staff in a fast food restaurant in all my life
Get burger combo, not enough money left over for a tip (fuck)
Shoulda got coupons (SR)
New blog post when?
Burger is pretty good, fresh, but nothing special

Spend our remaining time partly talking about dating/online dating

Complain: "Half of these dating profiles say "I like dogs and hiking"" 

"It's never "I'm autistic and don't go outside" "

Get dropped off at airport
The flight plan I filed with the agency lists me, mai waifus, and none of you

Finally get hugshake from Mister Wayne

Get ass grab too (no homo)

Paveru Hakase escort quests me into airport 

Get hug and ass slap from Paveru (no homo)

"Oi we're the bloody Ubersreik 5!... or 2, doesn't matter"

"COME ON KILL FOR OLD KRUBER!" 

>maybe don't say that in an airport

Could be worse. Could yell "BOMB"
Wait for plane
Board

Still autistic 

Get off plane

Gril in front of me while getting off plane

Tiny as heck, must be like 5 ft tall or something

Something about her seems vaguely familiar

notice she has K and Kirito keychains

she starts a conversation

Says she's from Calgary

ask her if she went to AX

She says yes

Talk a little bit more
split going through customs

probably coulda continued conversation but too autistic

Mom picks me up at airport and drives me home

Unpack

Show her waifus

One is a half naked loli

She must be so proud

Wash bed sheets

See cat

Bastard is hungry for attention
Snugs up on me

 End of rine.

Final thoughts 

It wasn't all perfect. I had trouble with my mental health during the trip. There were days where I felt really bad. There were times when I felt really anxious. Having my precious tomodachi with me made everything much easier to bear.

I really appreciate how all of them treated me when I fell ill.

I appreciate Wayne for taking care of me without a word.

I appreciate Selena for giving me room to recover while I was sick.

I appreciate Paveru for helping me so much to deal with anxiety.

Confirmed all really good people. 

I'm very fond of Wayne and Selena. The way they operate is unusual, but it makes me feel safer being more open about many things. Things I normally wouldn't talk about with anyone.

I'm very fond of Paveru Hakase too. He makes me feel okay about a lot of things.

I have a hard time being with people, but I do want to be with people, and if I'm allowed to choose, these are the people I'd like to have in my life.

I guess my behavior was acceptable enough to be invited back.

I got

"thank you for being kind" 

and not

"you're autistic and scary pls go and stay go"

Some of my behavior was autistic. Some intentional. Some not.

Maybe it wasn't that bad.

Somehow I still feel like I could've done more to show my appreciation for having me, and taking care of me there. Maybe I'll try harder next time.

I ate poorly while I was in LA. Not enough scoops frequency, fibre, and protein. My diet at home is eat everything scheduled and restricted. I need to eat like 6 times a day, and I need to make sure I eat enough of everything important. Being on vacation is nice because I can slack on that, but it makes my body feel pretty bad.

I spent a fair sum of money while I was there, mostly on expenses for myself, or to try as thanks to Wayne and Selena for letting me stay in their apartment. Spending money outside of that was hard. I kept feeling like I should be saving my money, even though I was on vacation, and I also felt like I should be trying to live a little.

I meant to take more pictures while I was down there, but I let it pass me by, mostly due to anxiety. I wanted to take a few pictures of cosplayers at least, but the idea made me freeze up every time. I was pretty intent on taking pictures with cosplayers if I'd seen anyone dressed as either Yukari or Beatrice, but I only found one person dressed as Beatrice, and I went full autismo when I did. It also didn't help that Artist Alley is ridiculously crowded.

Overall I had a really good time, and if given the option, I'd go again.

Coming home made me sad. There are so many things I'm unhappy with where I am right now. I have my mom, my cat, and my dad, but that's about all I have here.

There are so many thing I'm unhappy about with myself too.

I want to live a little more. I want to become better with people.

I want to have less anxiety.

It's my own fault. Locking myself away for so long, avoiding people. Of course it makes sense that I didn't develop as well socially, as I wish I had. I want to work on that more, but at the same time, I feel like I'm holding onto some of the good parts of my life from when I was a NEET, and I don't want to let go of them. They make me feel grounded.

THE AUTISM STRUGGLE

I probably won't try to change anything right now.

I have other things I want to work on.

End of post

Not sure what next post will be. Probably Mousepads.

but I need to make a Medaka Box post now. Fug.