I fell asleep listening to an ASMR video.
I don't remember how I came across it.
It must've been in a related video to something else I was watching.
I've always disliked ASMR.
I'm always in pain. Everything hurts.
Not a lot, but it varies.
It can make it very difficult to get to sleep.
and for whatever reason, ASMR amplifies it.
but it didn't this time.
...
I'm not sure how I ended up falling asleep to it.
It stressed me out at first.
but it didn't hurt.
and before I knew it, I had it right against my ear with the lights off.
It felt nice.
It made me relax.
...
Overall, I'd rate the experience a resounding gay/10.
Would not try again.
No homo.
It was a girl.
but as we previously established, girls like dicks, which is gay.
Does that mean guys aren't gay?
No guys like dicks too.
Well some do.
Not me obviously.
...
Got my mom a lenovo ideapad l340 i5 for Christmas.
Her old laptop broke.
Mom: "That's a lot of money to spend on your mom for Christmas."
Me: "It wasn't me. I told you, Santa's elves made it in their workshop."
*averts eye contact* tsundere, absolute bottom tier
Got a hug.
"The girls at work already adore you, but they'll love you even more when I tell them."
She seemed really happy.
It made me a bit happy.
edit: What a weird feeling.
...
I forgot I uploaded the above image when I bought her the laptop.
It's a bit funny now.
I'm more selfish than anything, but I almost don't seem like a hypocrite.
-----
Looking for another picture to upload.
Can't find anything I'm happy with.
I delete the pictures I have saved when I upload them to this blog.
Even the ones that supposedly elicit emotion.
...
I got it all out of my system.
So then what is there left to ramble about?
I'm not sure.
Not much is going on in my life.
...
I stopped taking care of myself for a while.
Stopped lifting. My hygiene fell apart.
Not really sure why I'm able to get back into the swing of things now.
...
Work has been interesting.
Layoffs.
Including my boss.
The one person who was consistently disrespectful toward me.
He's gone.
and now there's nothing in my way.
I've learned so much.
My co-workers have been really good to me.
The new boss has too.
...
I have a cell phone, which I mentioned in a post before.
I use it for work, but I also use it for FGO.
I rolled a Gilgamesh with a summon ticket.
Unintentionally.
Also a bunch of 5* CE cards.
If I cared about the game I never would have rolled any of that stuff.
...
I've been planning my pathfinder campaign.
I like what I've written so far.
I think it's a little generic, but somehow it still has elements that are very interesting to me.
I ran a test session.
I felt like it went pretty well.
It was fun.
...
It's 2AM.
I've been awake for nearly 24 hours.
I have to wake up in 5 hours.
Baka.
I must sleep.
I want to make more blog posts, but I'm not really sure what to do as far as content goes.
I'm not interesting enough.
Truly it's all Uninteresting Garbage TM.
Bravo.
Autism.
--------
I feel kinda sad right now.
Not really sure why.
...
I was having some trouble at work.
But it cleared up.
Now it seems like everything really will be okay.
Isn't that good?
...
Feels empty.
Like I don't have to worry about whether or not it's going to be okay.
That was distracting before.
Almost in a good way.
...
It's straightforward.
"young up and comer"
edit: a few people have said that. was there a conversation I wasn't a part of?
Why me?
Some of these people voice frustration at others.
For what I think is the most minor of things.
Shouldn't they hate me then?
No. Full trust.
Taking me under their wing.
Why me?
"What if I screw up?"
"How else are you going to learn?"
I guess.
"superstar"
I'm a total idiot sometimes.
Most of the time.
Do they not notice?
I'm borderline autistic at communicating half the time.
...
Well not communicating, but rather expressing myself.
Monkey same.
...
I might not post this, and it's not because it's embarrassing.
It's because it's genuinely boring.
-----
Sometimes when I'm standing and talking to someone.
Or someone is talking to me.
I black out momentarily.
I'm still there physically, but my brain shuts off.
Then it restarts.
I regain my vision before anything.
Then I see the person in front of me.
and I register who they are and that they're talking to me.
and then what they're talking to me about.
and who I am.
It doesn't happen very often.
It hasn't ever really caused a problem as far as I'm aware.
but I guess it's a bit unusual.
...
I sent chocolates to Paveru Hakase for Christmas.
He'll probably know it was me when he gets them.
I'll just tell him Santa did it.
and then he'll read this post and know.
It was definitely Santa
and not me.
...
I sent him chocolates for Valentine's Day some time ago.
I guess that was technically this year. (2019)
Remember, no homo.
...
Wayne and Selina were in town a while back.
Staying at the River Rock Casino & Resort in Richmond.
I drove out to see them.
We wandered around town for a bit looking for food.
China town. Literally, I guess.
The world transitioned from everyone being 6'6 burly Canadians to tiny asians.
and suddenly I felt really tall. Being maybe the only white guy around.
I felt like I was in a different country.
It was rainy dark, chilly, and comfy as hell.
I got curry and bubble tea.
I like bubble tea.
How many times have I had it now?
Three times, I guess. Once in Boston, once in LA, and once in Richmond.
...
We brought the food back to their hotel.
Their room was pretty big.
Of course, you know, you go to a casino, you gamble, you get drunk.
What do we do?
Play dnd.
...Well, Call of Cthulu. (with a few people over phone skype)
Monkey same, really.
Something about that seems absurd to me.
...
I ended up playing as Ilya from Fate Stay/Night.
Not intentionally, but that was chosen for me as my character art.
So it made me really not want to die.
Ilya is my favorite.
I'm definitely not a lolicon.
She's technically like 18 anyway, isn't she?
...
Last session of the game.
In danger of being killed by a monster.
"What do you do?"
me: "I use a command seal to summon Berserker"
"You can't do that."
Fucking artificial difficulty bullshit.
Still ended up surviving due to good rolls.
and Red Hammerwhatever died.
28 failed rolls.
You didn't want to leave him a chance, huh?
...
Selina went to sleep.
Wayne and I went down to the casino.
No, he bought me more food and then he walked me to my car.
That was the night.
...
It was good to see them again.
I won't drive 5 minutes down the road to see anyone.
but I drove about 45 minutes to see them.
To somewhere I'm not familiar with.
...
I hope I get to see them again.
...
"They aren't going to let you come back for AX2020 when they read this.
...but I've never been a threat to anyone other than myself.
If someone's going to get hurt it'll be someone that really really deserves it.
That's funny, too.
I don't know why.
It makes me sad, actually.
Don't say that.
Please don't say that."
...
That's from the first rambling post I chose not to post.
"murderous tendencies"
I can't remember the last time I actually physically attacked someone.
In grade 10 in high school, maybe.
I lent some guy money and he didn't pay me back.
I don't lend people money now.
I give it away with 0 expectation of getting it back.
It's a good thing I don't carry cash.
Although I remember interacting with some homeless people in 2014.
"Go away"
edit: them to me obviously
Brutal.
So this is the power of being Canadian, huh? not bad.
or something.
I haven't taken my meds in over 24 hours.
...
Not feeling great.
I'm drowsy as hell. Have been all day.
Can't concentrate very well right now.
Being drowsy certainly doesn't help.
Waiting for the day to end.
I got invited to a pub by some co-workers.
We went after work. Two of them arrived before me. One after.
I got ID'd after I walked in.
"Are you 19?"
Me: "Ehh. pretty close." I showed her my ID.
"Oh... You're a bit older than 19."
Then she took my drink order and walked away.
Me: "I don't know if I should be flattered."
edit: maybe I can still pass for 17
...
Being immortal would be weird.
You could physically be a loli, and be a thousand years old.
People would still treat you like a loli.
No one would believe you're immortal.
-------
"Any plans with the girlfriend for Christmas?"
"I'm single."
"What?"
"I have been for a year now."
...
"I didn't know. I'm sorry"
"Eh. It wasn't too bad."
"As long as there weren't too many tears."
"Not from me anyway."
"*laughs* wow you're cold."
Y-yeah
...
My weight's coming back up. I'm glad.
I didn't think it'd come back quite this easily.
Even pushing myself as hard as I am.
Seems like food intake is a little easier than it was.
...
I have food to my left.
Food to my right.
Here I am.
Stuck in the middle with 4 scoops c'mon.
I have to eat all of this.
Nothing to ramble about.
...
me in the middle
except for the saliva thing
dont worry about that
I had some interesting interests when I was younger though.
...
Have I ever mentioned I hate Christmas?
I have no interest in receiving gifts.
So that leaves giving gifts.
I don't mind spending money on loved ones.
but I'm not great at knowing what to get for people.
It's a hassle.
I'd prefer if Christmas went away altogether.
Same for birthdays and similar scenarios.
...
I probably wouldnt even know it was christmas if people didn't beat me over the head with it.
...
I wonder if this is a bad thing to admit.
This is another one of those things.
I can't tell unless someone reacts to it.
and I don't really go around announcing this to people.
because it doesn't seem like the general attitude of others.
------
Christmas is okay.
------
Christmas is okay.
...
>wearing tshirt
>your arms are looking big
>Have you been working out?
"mostly my wrists"
"are you familiar with the term "deathgrip"?"
thank you for validating my entire existence.
no really.
>wearing tshirt
>your arms are looking big
>Have you been working out?
"mostly my wrists"
"are you familiar with the term "deathgrip"?"
thank you for validating my entire existence.
no really.
...
Maybe that's sad.
Oh well.
Maybe that's sad.
Oh well.
--------
Tfw no Jeanne gf
...
I hate new years too.
-----
What the heck.
I got sent to do a journeyman job today.
I'm technically not a signed apprentice yet.
It was the guy that gave me my job, too.
I wasn't against it.
Well there was an underlying feeling of:
"I'm not qualified for this shit"
and then just doing it anyway
I learned a lot.
I stayed late to work.
They seemed impressed.
...
That definitely wasn't my intention.
...
This is like when I went outside to do physical labor that was being neglected.
I did it because I slept in instead of going to the gym.
Everyone was impressed.
I just wanted get a workout in despite missing the gym.
-------
At work today.
A girl appeared in my field of vision.
"I love your beautiful red hair!"
She called to me as she left the building.
"Oh.. thank you." I replied, near instantaneously.
She was looking at me, and only I have red hair. Had to be me.
All of my co-workers stared at me and started grinning.
There aren't very many women where we work.
This has happened a few times before. Situations like this.
Women paying any amount of attention to me.
My co-workers always have the same reaction.
...I tried to keep a straight face and continue working.
Then I looked back up and they were still grinning at me.
I broke a smile.
I turned red.
They laughed.
I hid my face.
As it always goes.
Well, usually I'm not too embarrassed by it.
but I never get what seems like open compliments.
...
"Like throwing a bucket of chum into a tank of starving sharks"
...
I've never been interested though.
...
Well, I was in a relationship before.
There was no reason to look at other women.
and now I want to be alone.
So it's no different.
People seem worried about me.
I am quieter.
but it is annoying constantly telling people I'm okay.
...
I haven't been to the gym in a while.
I didn't want to go with it being new years.
and normies caring about fitness resolutions.
Waking up is hard. Maybe just because it's wintery.
I am going to go back though.
Once this pathfinder stuff is over.
...
My body seems to be maintaining mass, weirdly.
I thought it would all shrink away, but it isn't.
My appetite is maintaining too.
I'm hungry most of the time.
...
I got Jeanne alter lily.
I rolled the original Jeanne alter, now, too..
tfw qt Jeanne alter to be my servanto.
...
Maybe you aren't familiar with FGO.
That's okay.
...
It doesn't matter.
...
I worked a 15 hour shift yesterday.
3 people were let go.
I volunteered to fill in for a vacancy left by one, for the evening.
Doing the job, I'm being trained to do.
I learned a lot.
I had fun.
I like when I figure stuff out.
It makes me feel smart.
...
Quite a few layoffs.
I saw one of them coming.
My intuition is EX rank, but I don't always listen to it.
I did this time.
...
There might be more layoffs.
I'm not worried about myself.
Trying to imagine the scenario of myself being laid off doesn't work.
"We're letting you go."
"Yeah, right."
"No one can reproduce the work I was doing, at the level I was doing it."
"No one else even wants to."
"but even then, no one has any idea how."
I never thought the term "job security" would actually mean anything.
but here we are.
...
"I should get me a man who can cook"
*looks at me*
Think "I can cook"
Then think. "Don't you fucking say it."
No one will ever know.
All I want is validation.
-------
>fgo
>roll first 5* servant
>xuanzang sanzang
>roll second 5*
>xuanzang sanzang
>yolo a summon ticket
>get gilgamesh on banner
>roll for jeanne alter
>get jeanne alter in 100 sq
>roll for scathach with barely any sq
>no luck
>well, I only have 3 sq left, may as well yolo it
>look away from phone screen
>scathach
muh waifu simulator
tfw no goth gf harem
...
2:16AM
Why the hell am I still awake?
...
I'm exhausted. I have to work in the morning.
but it's always times like these that bring me here.
I get weird flashes of sadness sometimes.
Memories.
What am I rambling about?
Sometimes I have feelings.
It's like I'm 14 again.
...
I've stopped going to the gym entirely.
I have health issues. so I don't have much choice.
but my body hates me for it.
Food intake is down. Wasting away. Constantly hungry.
I'll have to get back to it in a while.
After they're resolved.
Maybe the adderall isn't working as well as before either.
but I have been pretty successful writing my pathfinder campaign.
I really enjoy it.
Creativity.
I never thought I could be creative like this.
Even if much if it is ripped off from elsewhere.
Or adapted, I guess I should say.
Some things about it are slightly generic.
But most of it is incredibly cool to me.
I'm slightly impressed with myself.
...
I started taking a new anxiety medication.
Beta-blockers.
They're OP.
I can't run a session without them. My body trembles uncontrollably.
I forgot to take them before a session not long ago.
Didn't realize how much of a difference they made until I started talking.
...
Now that I'm on them, it's weird to think how I managed to live without them.
What a horrible existence that was.
...
but now someone could threaten me with a knife, and my heart would still be at rest.
More machine than man?
Not hard to do. I'm not particularly manly.
...
I've been neglecting this blog.
My posts from the last year or so make me kinda sad.
Once this pathfinder stuff is done, and my health is.. resolved.
I'd like to live a little more.
but until then, full autismo.
I should sleep. I'll be in pain in the morning.
...
I feel like I've reached a point where feelings don't matter.
I used to love anime, and video games.
Stuff like that.
Emotions were cool too.
but I've lost interest over time.
Most of the people I know are still interested.
but what's the point?
...
That's a horrible feeling in a way.
Such a disconnect from feeling like a person.
To the point it doesn't matter.
Is what I was afraid of most.
It's terrifying.
Or at least it would be, if I could feel that way.
That's a familiar feeling.
Feeling like I should strongly feel something, but feeling absolutely nothing instead.
and it doesn't matter.
but it does matter. It should matter.
but it doesn't.
but it does.
I can't do anything about it anyway.
A lost cause.
So he says.
My existence was a mistake.
This again?
How many times have we been over this?
Enough times.
It always ends this way.
I sleep.
-----
Rambling Post. I haven't worked on this in a while.
Let's go back and see what we have so far.
fgo stuff.
I rolled 2 SRs in a row today.
My rate for SSRs seems to be about 1 in 100 sq.
I got Jeanne Alter.
Now I'm just missing summer Jeanne and regular Jeanne.
and some googly eyes and an eldritch book.
step 1. dont care about the game
step 2. roll unlimited SSRs
step 3. delete the game
...
Told my mom I got a raise.
I'm "quite the catch."
Now imagine a big fish with googly eyes in a net.
...
Remember, eldritch heritage is a free feat.
Been DMing for pathfinder for 5 players for a few weeks now.
There have been good moments, but there have been bad moments too.
DMing ain't easy, especially with so many players.
...
One of the PCs has a bonus to seducing anime girls.
This dude could end up with a harem of anime girls I created.
All voiced by me.
It took me a while to realize that.
No homo, or something.
...
Player agency and fun are the most important things about the game.
Taking away player agency makes me feel like crap.
I have a PC with an animal companion.
He wanted to RP it. I didn't let him. I did it instead.
I actually didn't expect him to want to RP an animal companion.
Poor planning.
and there's a good reason why I didn't let him do it.
but I can't really tell anyone.
...
I'm not sure how he'll react when he finds out the reason why.
...
I have a player that took a spell which I consider obnoxious.
Not only me.
I don't want to limit what my players can do, but I do want to limit slog.
Which is one reason why almost none of the bad guys cast deeper darkness.
So the party isn't standing around blind rolling on miss chances.
It's not like I can't balance around it, but I would prefer not to.
I'm not fond of the idea of balancing encounters around PC abilities.
because I feel like that's kind of meta-gamey.
but maybe that's an incorrect mentality, too.
Having so many undead, and a player that has non-threnodic enchantment spells.
Not that all the enemies will be immune to mind-affecting, but I prefer for PCs to have as many options as is possible. It makes the game more interesting.
...
Kind of an issue designing the prologue
...
Player vs DM mentality is awful.
...
I design parts of the game as if I'm certain characters.
So their motivations make sense, even if only I can see them.
but relaying that to any player is probably a bad idea.
because then all they get is how much I want to kill their character.
Or something to that effect.
and then I water down the combat encounter because I don't want anyone to die.
but they've consistently proven to me that they can survive almost anything.
Maybe I should put more faith in them.
...
Although it probably helps that my enemies never really focus anyone down in combat.
If they did someone would've died by now.
...
There's a better way to handle that, come to think of it.
...
Anyway, enough for this post.
2:23am. Sleep snug smug.
Tfw no Jeanne gf
...
I hate new years too.
-----
What the heck.
I got sent to do a journeyman job today.
I'm technically not a signed apprentice yet.
It was the guy that gave me my job, too.
I wasn't against it.
Well there was an underlying feeling of:
"I'm not qualified for this shit"
and then just doing it anyway
I learned a lot.
I stayed late to work.
They seemed impressed.
...
That definitely wasn't my intention.
...
This is like when I went outside to do physical labor that was being neglected.
I did it because I slept in instead of going to the gym.
Everyone was impressed.
I just wanted get a workout in despite missing the gym.
-------
At work today.
A girl appeared in my field of vision.
"I love your beautiful red hair!"
She called to me as she left the building.
"Oh.. thank you." I replied, near instantaneously.
She was looking at me, and only I have red hair. Had to be me.
All of my co-workers stared at me and started grinning.
There aren't very many women where we work.
This has happened a few times before. Situations like this.
Women paying any amount of attention to me.
My co-workers always have the same reaction.
...I tried to keep a straight face and continue working.
Then I looked back up and they were still grinning at me.
I broke a smile.
I turned red.
They laughed.
I hid my face.
As it always goes.
Well, usually I'm not too embarrassed by it.
but I never get what seems like open compliments.
...
"Like throwing a bucket of chum into a tank of starving sharks"
...
I've never been interested though.
...
Well, I was in a relationship before.
There was no reason to look at other women.
and now I want to be alone.
So it's no different.
People seem worried about me.
I am quieter.
but it is annoying constantly telling people I'm okay.
...
I haven't been to the gym in a while.
I didn't want to go with it being new years.
and normies caring about fitness resolutions.
Waking up is hard. Maybe just because it's wintery.
I am going to go back though.
Once this pathfinder stuff is over.
...
My body seems to be maintaining mass, weirdly.
I thought it would all shrink away, but it isn't.
My appetite is maintaining too.
I'm hungry most of the time.
...
I got Jeanne alter lily.
I rolled the original Jeanne alter, now, too..
tfw qt Jeanne alter to be my servanto.
...
Maybe you aren't familiar with FGO.
That's okay.
...
It doesn't matter.
...
I worked a 15 hour shift yesterday.
3 people were let go.
I volunteered to fill in for a vacancy left by one, for the evening.
Doing the job, I'm being trained to do.
I learned a lot.
I had fun.
I like when I figure stuff out.
It makes me feel smart.
...
Quite a few layoffs.
I saw one of them coming.
My intuition is EX rank, but I don't always listen to it.
I did this time.
...
There might be more layoffs.
I'm not worried about myself.
Trying to imagine the scenario of myself being laid off doesn't work.
"We're letting you go."
"Yeah, right."
"No one can reproduce the work I was doing, at the level I was doing it."
"No one else even wants to."
"but even then, no one has any idea how."
I never thought the term "job security" would actually mean anything.
but here we are.
...
"I should get me a man who can cook"
*looks at me*
Think "I can cook"
Then think. "Don't you fucking say it."
No one will ever know.
All I want is validation.
-------
>fgo
>roll first 5* servant
>xuanzang sanzang
>roll second 5*
>xuanzang sanzang
>yolo a summon ticket
>get gilgamesh on banner
>roll for jeanne alter
>get jeanne alter in 100 sq
>roll for scathach with barely any sq
>no luck
>well, I only have 3 sq left, may as well yolo it
>look away from phone screen
>scathach
muh waifu simulator
tfw no goth gf harem
...
2:16AM
Why the hell am I still awake?
...
I'm exhausted. I have to work in the morning.
but it's always times like these that bring me here.
I get weird flashes of sadness sometimes.
Memories.
What am I rambling about?
Sometimes I have feelings.
It's like I'm 14 again.
...
I've stopped going to the gym entirely.
I have health issues. so I don't have much choice.
but my body hates me for it.
Food intake is down. Wasting away. Constantly hungry.
I'll have to get back to it in a while.
After they're resolved.
Maybe the adderall isn't working as well as before either.
but I have been pretty successful writing my pathfinder campaign.
I really enjoy it.
Creativity.
I never thought I could be creative like this.
Even if much if it is ripped off from elsewhere.
Or adapted, I guess I should say.
Some things about it are slightly generic.
But most of it is incredibly cool to me.
I'm slightly impressed with myself.
...
I started taking a new anxiety medication.
Beta-blockers.
They're OP.
I can't run a session without them. My body trembles uncontrollably.
I forgot to take them before a session not long ago.
Didn't realize how much of a difference they made until I started talking.
...
Now that I'm on them, it's weird to think how I managed to live without them.
What a horrible existence that was.
...
but now someone could threaten me with a knife, and my heart would still be at rest.
More machine than man?
Not hard to do. I'm not particularly manly.
...
I've been neglecting this blog.
My posts from the last year or so make me kinda sad.
Once this pathfinder stuff is done, and my health is.. resolved.
I'd like to live a little more.
but until then, full autismo.
I should sleep. I'll be in pain in the morning.
...
I feel like I've reached a point where feelings don't matter.
I used to love anime, and video games.
Stuff like that.
Emotions were cool too.
but I've lost interest over time.
Most of the people I know are still interested.
but what's the point?
...
That's a horrible feeling in a way.
Such a disconnect from feeling like a person.
To the point it doesn't matter.
Is what I was afraid of most.
It's terrifying.
Or at least it would be, if I could feel that way.
That's a familiar feeling.
Feeling like I should strongly feel something, but feeling absolutely nothing instead.
and it doesn't matter.
but it does matter. It should matter.
but it doesn't.
but it does.
I can't do anything about it anyway.
A lost cause.
So he says.
My existence was a mistake.
This again?
How many times have we been over this?
Enough times.
It always ends this way.
I sleep.
-----
Rambling Post. I haven't worked on this in a while.
Let's go back and see what we have so far.
fgo stuff.
I rolled 2 SRs in a row today.
My rate for SSRs seems to be about 1 in 100 sq.
I got Jeanne Alter.
Now I'm just missing summer Jeanne and regular Jeanne.
and some googly eyes and an eldritch book.
step 1. dont care about the game
step 2. roll unlimited SSRs
step 3. delete the game
...
Told my mom I got a raise.
I'm "quite the catch."
Now imagine a big fish with googly eyes in a net.
...
Remember, eldritch heritage is a free feat.
Been DMing for pathfinder for 5 players for a few weeks now.
There have been good moments, but there have been bad moments too.
DMing ain't easy, especially with so many players.
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One of the PCs has a bonus to seducing anime girls.
This dude could end up with a harem of anime girls I created.
All voiced by me.
It took me a while to realize that.
No homo, or something.
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Player agency and fun are the most important things about the game.
Taking away player agency makes me feel like crap.
I have a PC with an animal companion.
He wanted to RP it. I didn't let him. I did it instead.
I actually didn't expect him to want to RP an animal companion.
Poor planning.
and there's a good reason why I didn't let him do it.
but I can't really tell anyone.
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I'm not sure how he'll react when he finds out the reason why.
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I have a player that took a spell which I consider obnoxious.
Not only me.
I don't want to limit what my players can do, but I do want to limit slog.
Which is one reason why almost none of the bad guys cast deeper darkness.
So the party isn't standing around blind rolling on miss chances.
It's not like I can't balance around it, but I would prefer not to.
I'm not fond of the idea of balancing encounters around PC abilities.
because I feel like that's kind of meta-gamey.
but maybe that's an incorrect mentality, too.
Having so many undead, and a player that has non-threnodic enchantment spells.
Not that all the enemies will be immune to mind-affecting, but I prefer for PCs to have as many options as is possible. It makes the game more interesting.
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Kind of an issue designing the prologue
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Player vs DM mentality is awful.
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I design parts of the game as if I'm certain characters.
So their motivations make sense, even if only I can see them.
but relaying that to any player is probably a bad idea.
because then all they get is how much I want to kill their character.
Or something to that effect.
and then I water down the combat encounter because I don't want anyone to die.
but they've consistently proven to me that they can survive almost anything.
Maybe I should put more faith in them.
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Although it probably helps that my enemies never really focus anyone down in combat.
If they did someone would've died by now.
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There's a better way to handle that, come to think of it.
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Anyway, enough for this post.
2:23am. Sleep snug smug.
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